Today I was on the phone with Zac and we got to talking about finances. Now here's a little background on our married finances: I have not been involved. He is the type of man that thinks that that is a man's task to take care of the finances and bills and everything. The man's job to be the breadwinner. So I HAVE tried to help him, but he just didn't really make it a priority to talk to me about the financial situation so I let it go. But on the phone tonight we started to talk about it and he told me how stressed out he was about our situation and paying the bills and everything so I finally told him how I feel about it and how I really need to sit down with him and look at all of the numbers so that I can help him out more and help him de-stress a little bit. And then he got on the subject of roommates. He said his original plan included having roommates to help cover the costs. I remember that he mentioned it in passing, but it was never concrete and I really don't want roommates. So now he has offers and is really considering it, so that's another thing we're going to sit down and talk about when he gets home, too.
Now, onto the main reason I'm sitting here typing everything out. I am TERRIBLE living with other people. I hate people more than the average person. I have major OCD and I just don't like having people in the house that I feel like won't live by my rules and do things the way I want them done and exactly when I want them done. I get frustrated when Zac doesn't do the dishes exactly when I ask and then I end up doing them because I know they won't be done that day if I don't. With two extra people, who's to say I won't have to do every single little thing still but x2 with the extra people. And I really don't want to have to worry about other people's feelings with the things I have to say when I'm in my own home. And I really don't need some chick living with me while my husband is deployed and I miss him. I don't need her emotions. At all. I don't like feeling obligated to befriend someone because we're in close proximity. And when I'm not cool with being friends with someone, I don't talk to them. I also like my space. I like that people don't live here. I like that I don't have to cave to the pressures society has instilled in me and converse with people every morning. I like that when I go to bed at night, no one else is making any extra noise to make me stay awake and also when I stay up late I know I'm not keeping anyone else awake. I also want to have sex as loudly as I like. And I don't want parties at my house. Especially unannounced. My husband has finally learned his lesson, but if I had roommates, what if they don't give two shits that I work on weekends? EVERY weekend. and sometimes it's in the morning. I don't want a bunch of loud-ass people that I'm not in the mood to host at my house when I have to work in the morning or even the next afternoon. How can I tell someone that they have to go out if they want to party? Even thought they live here too and they also pay rent? If I agreed to even try the roommate thing, I would only agree to three months. A trial period. And if I love it and don't want them to leave before deployment, then I'd allow it (don't see that happening, but financially I really wish it could). But if I still feel uncomfortable in my own home with other people in it, I'd want them to get out. And I feel like such a bitch saying that! But it's true. It's MY house and I should be able to feel comfortable.
Zac also mentioned that he was tired of living paycheck to paycheck and when I told him that I expected it to be like that for a while, he told me that it HAS been a while. I really don't think he understood that when I expected it to last a while, I meant at least a year. It takes a while to figure out the finances together and neither of us has had to save very often in our lives but now that we're together and have a dog and are both away from home, we need to save a little better so we A. have a little wiggle room for plan tickets and B. have long-term savings. I really hope that we get a chance to talk tomorrow so that I can let things out a little more...
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