Day 8: Be Passionate

Today, I am to post about five things that I am passionate about.

1: I am passionate about my man. I am so proud of what he does and how he's kept his personality intact throughout this whole process, yet still changing and growing into an even better man every step of the way. Basically, everything he and I can share together, we do; we take an interest in one another's lives and support each other every step of the way and he really deserves every bit of passion and dedication I give to him.

2: Obviously, from my last post, I am passionate about languages and learning them. I love everything about languages and I don't care how difficult it is or how long it takes me; I know I can learn them. I already speak French pretty well and I'll be moving on to Spanish, Russian, Arabic, Mandarin, ASL... pretty much everything I can wrap my mind around, I'm going to learn.

3: I am SO passionate about everything Pittsburgh. I am proud to say that I am from Western PA and proud to say how much I love my city. I love the Pirates (even though they pretty much suck), I love the Pens (even though there;s a hockey lock out right now), and I especially love my Steelers. They're the greatest team in the whole world and I would never trade anything in the world to replace being a Steelers fan. This is my hometown, and I am proud of it. It's a beautiful city and every part of it is like entering a new culture. The South Side, Oakland, Shadyside, Downtown, and all of the suburbs; they're all unique and beautiful. It's wonderful.

4: I am big into sports and athletics. I miss cheerleading so much (though I would NEVER wish back my high school years to get it back, just to be clear) and I even miss swimming competitively and running track/jumping. But, one thing I do still do is play softball. I play ball in three different leagues, two of which are co-ed. I love the competitive atmosphere and I love hitting the shit out of a softball when I am beyond frustrated with my week. It makes everything feel wonderful.

5: I am passionate about travelling. Moving away for a while, travelling for a few months, visiting different places; just go and do it! Save your money, it's definitely worth it! Just go!

Day 7: If You Can Dream It, You Can Do It.

So day 7 asks what my dream job is and why.

I have a few different scenarios laid out. My number one dream job is to interpret for the United Nations. This will take having a masters degree in at least one of the languages I'd want to interpret and eight years of experience (with at least three in the UN itself, I believe). So that's a pretty far off dream, I'll get a different career in the meantime. Why do I want to do this? I believe in promoting peace. I also strongly believe that without a complete understanding of the language in which you are being spoken to, mistakes can be made easily. Countries have gone to war over smaller things than a misinterpretation of a sentence or even a word and I firmly believe that all interpreters have the most important jobs in the UN. One mistake, and different countries could go to war when there really is no rhyme or reason. It's a lot of pressure, I guess, but I'm great with languages and I love learning them!

My dream job until I can get my necessary degrees and experience is probably going to be interpreting for companies, the government, or just tours somewhere. I don't know exactly what I want to do, all I know is that this is what I love and this is what I want to do. :)

The Time Is Coming!

So Zac is so close to being stateside it's unbelievable! I am so excited for him to be back in this country. AND I've got about 17 days until I'm out in California to visit him! I am so excited. And as this deployment nears its end, he just gets sweeter and sweeter. I love getting his little messages on Skype and Facebook, they're always so cute! Always telling me how much he misses me and loves me and how much he can't wait to see me or get married to me. He's been such a sweetheart and he's really been trying to get in contact with me, whether it's Skyping or Facebooking. Had to share :) Here are some of the messages he's sent to me!

FACEBOOK:
im so proud of you baby :)]

• i don't know how you do it baby my job is one thing but i will tell you right i would get fired from both of yours in....i'  d give it a week
• i'd*
  well its true and you deserve it 
  i miss you baby 
  mine to but i gotta go ill talk to you later baby  i love you and miss you like crazy 
  i've been thinkin bout holding you all day 
  im sorry baby i passed out after MCMAP i love you im leaving my computer on...so call me maybe ? i promised you that i would call and im not breaking that one 
  
  
  SKYPE:
  i miss you baby
• 
  
• Just to see you smile
• I'd do anything that you wanted me to
• When all is said and done
• I'd never count the cost
• It's worth all that's lost
• Just to see you smile
• 
  
• I love you and I miss you like crazy baby <3
• 
  
•  love you  baby im heading off to bed ill be up @ 0200 to get my hair cut fml lol ill try to call you then <3 miss you babe wish i was beside you XOXO
• 
  
• I miss you baby and love I got off work at 6:30, went to MCMAP and came home and passed out I just woke up I love you and I'm sorry <3 I hope you have a great day at work. 22 days lover until I can hold you. :)
• 
  
• Hey baby you must be at work...I can't wait to talk to you. I'll leave my IPod pluged in just call me when you can lover <3 I love and miss you more than you can imagine :)
• P.s.- I can't wait until I put that ring on your finger <3
• 
  
• Baby i miss you and i lovce you and i alawys will <3
• 
  
• hey baby i call you when i get up @ 0530 my time  . I love you and good morning lol <3
• 
  
• hey baby just woke up to check if you were on i guess we'll talk later :D i love you and miss you baby <3
• 
  
• ill try to skype you when i get up at 0550 miss you baby hope your up.
• 
  
• hey baby just woke up...i miss you...tell Lala i said good bye :( i test out for my green belt tomorrow i'll try again in the morning i love you like crazy girl !!!!! <3
• 
  
• im sorry baby i didn't mean to say it like that i love you and miss you like crazy soo i guess i'll talk to you later your sexyness
• 
  
• Hey baby hope your havin a great 4th miss you like crazy....tell the fam I said hi <3 I love you baby
• 
  
• Hey baby I just got some WIfi I miss you and I'm safe I'll try to call in like half an hour cause I'm at McDonalds and there is no wifi on base. I love you and miss you soo much baby <3
• 
  
• hey baby ill be on til about 9 30 my time i love you and miss you sweetheart 
• alright bsby i'll try to be on in 2 hours i love you :)
• 
  
• i love you baby
• hey baby ill be on @ 8:30 a.m your time tomorrow i love you and miss you soo much it's almost unbearable <3 i hope you ok lover i really miss talkin to you
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• 
  
• I love him, he's so damn sweet. He really is doing so much to help me through those lonely days. I miss him so much every single day, but those messages really help me get through when I need a pick-me-up <3

Day 6: It's a Hard Knock Life

Day six has been reserved for the hardest thing I've ever experienced. This has taken a lot of thought, because, for me, It's hard to decipher what is hard and what was an experience. So, since this is MY blog, I think I am going to get into a few difficult things in my life. So here we go.

I think the first hardest thing that I've experienced was when I was in high school. I had broken up with my boyfriend of over a year and, being only a freshman, it was really difficult on me. I mean, he did terrible thigns to me while we were dating, so I don't know why I thought this would end any different. But, anyways, the break up wasn't the hardest part. The hardest part was when two weeks after this guy that I loved and had told me he loved me and wanted to marry me and I had broken up, he was dating another girl and SLEEPING with her. That hurt me so much. The fact that he continued to string me along for a year after that was even worse. He'd still be officially with her but he'd tell me he was fighting with her and that they were going to break up... juuuuust enough information to keep me hanging on. I should've just said "Well, then, to hell with you," but I didn't and this was a point in my life where I was really conflicted. Thankfully, after I got together with Zac (no, I never cheated on anyone, if you were wondering), this horrible person really started to fade from my mind. Now, he is but a memory.

When I was a freshman (dating that terrible person, too), my maternal grandfather died. It was a breaking point. "Teenagedome" was already different enough and with all of the changes going on in my life, his death was just another huge difficulty. I still miss him so much.

Finally, my decision to be with a man who planned on being in the military (who is now two years into his active duty). This is how I describe this life: it's not hard. It's not hard to love him and talk to my best friend as much as we can while he's away. It's not hard to be alone most of the time. It's not hard to make decisions all of the time, mostly on my own. It just sucks that I can't be with him everyday. It sucks to have to live without him. It's not hard, it's just not preferable. Hence why I don't consider it one of the hardest things I've experienced because that's not the word for this life...

Day 5: Five Things of Happiness

Five things that make me the happiest right now:

1: Little, sweet, unexpected messages from my man through this deployment. I've been getting more and more lately from him telling me how much he loves and misses me and how proud he is of me for working so hard. It makes me feel a lot better about everything and it keeps me strong as hell throughout the days without hearing from him at all.

2: Homecomings/visits/Skype dates. Every single time I get to spend time with him is a treat to me. Whether it's just seeing his face through a blurry screen and barely being able to understand or actually physically holding him in my arms (the latter being my favorite :D), I love spending time with my man and sharing our lives with each other. I'ts amazing to me to see how far we've come. Essentially, my man makes me the happiest person on Earth and there is no one in this world that is like him.

3: I love working at Victoria's Secret. I love my job so very much it makes me so happy to be able to help these women find everything they've been searching for! Fitting them and helping them find the perfect fit is really what I love the most, though I also love the relaxation fixing and ROYGBIV-ing panties and bras and re-folding things in the Pink room brings to me. Seriously. I don't think there is a person out there that loves working for this company as much as I do.

4: I really love talking to my friends and catching up. Especially now during the fall when we get to have lots of bonfires and cookouts at dusk. I especially love hugging my long lost friends after long absences. I also love my girl time with my mom and snuggling on the new "chair and a half" with her. She's too cute.

5: I am loving packing right now. I like organizing my things into the boxes and making my lists of what things are in what boxes and so on and so forth. It's wonderful for my OCD. And it's something I actually need to do, so it's not even interfering with my daily life! It's only a matter of WHEN I can afford to start packing, thanks to the weather!

Day 4: If Only There Was Time Travel...

Ten things I would tel my sixteen year-old self. Warning: these may ALL have something to do with a certain boy, but I'm not sure yet. Just bear with me and be warned.
1. Seriously, don't do it.
2. Don't make promises for forever. It'll save you a lot of heartache, headaches, and confusion.
3. Don't fall for what he says about them.
4. Don't trust him. Find another way to become completely jaded and cold-hearted. You can learn to protect yourself in other ways.
5. Stop writing his name on shit. I'm STILL finding it!
6. Burn his things much sooner than you did, if you still are stupid enough to date him.
7. Give back the jewelry in person. Don't care how scared or nervous you are, just do it. I want the satisfaction of the look on his face, for Pete's sakes!
8. DO NOT be so hard on yourself. You'll grow into your body. High school is not really the best time to shine anyways. Shine in your 20s, like I am now.
9. Try not to be so judgmental or harsh or hold grudges for so long. It's hard to break the habits now after so long... understand that people change, just like you change, and even if you don't want to be their friend or talk to them, you can always just erase them from your memory entirely. Learn to forgive because this process is going to take forever and I'd rather not fight an uphill battle.
10. Dare to explore. You've already dared to be different, dared to be yourself. Dare to DO something different! Stop holding back with what you can do and try to achieve even more than you are already accomplishing. That will also make my life a bit easier... ambition is learned, not inherited.

Day 3: My Folks

The relationship with my parents can get a bit complicated. We'll start with my dad first, since this one is the worst of the two. My dad is very overweight. Like, morbidly obese. And if he continues at the rate he's going, he's going to die within the year. So it makes it difficult when A. he is so uncomfortable/in pain that he is absolutely miserable and B. when he ISN'T miserably taking things out on everyone else, I'm angry with him. And not because he's being mean or anything, but because every step he takes, I can hear him wheezing. Or every time I see him eat something, I am disgusted. Anytime I try to bring it up, he yells at me. It's a difficult line to dance, especially when you're only 20 and you're not supposed to have to worry about your dad dying just yet. I know I shouldn't be angry with him, but every time I look at him, all I can think about is that he is everything that he taught me not to be growing up and it makes me sick and I think he's pathetic. I love my dad, and I don't want to lose him, but his problem is all in his head, which is putting it into the physical, and he needs to face his problems and get it together before it's too late to watch me start my own family and play with my children someday. It's very upsetting to me and I don't know whether it's best to try to enjoy the time I have left with him, since nothing we do gets through to him, or if, since I have every right to be angry, to remain angry with him for the rest of his life unless he gets his shit together... I just don't know if it's worth the effort of trying to fight being angry if I'm not worth the effort of staying alive. Anyways, my dad really had been my athletic inspiration all of my life. He's the athletic one out of my parents and he taught me how to throw a softball and a football and how to swing a bat. I will one day be able to do the same for my children because of him.
Now, with my mom, I know too much about her past. But in spite of all of that, she is still one of the most amazing women I know and I love her to death. I can confide a lot of things in my mom and we see things the same way, for the most part. She's taught me a lot about how to be a strong and independent woman and how to strive for my goals. She inspires me a lot. She's witty and she's strong and, even though she's never been in my specific situation, she's been through tougher times. She works hard and she doesn't back down. She can be a firecracker, but knows when to hold her tongue and she has a patience with me (and all of her children and students and, hell, anyone around her) that surmounts anything I've ever seen. She's taught me how to be a professional woman and how to be a good wife and mother (someday) and I will take all of the lessons she indirectly taught me with me forever.

Day 2: Legit Fears

Here goes nothing:

1. I'm and legit afraid of driving over bridges. Not heights, like a lot of people, but of the bridge collapsing under the weight of all of the cars driving over it over the years. And my plunging to my death. Yeah, I can swim, but DAMN a fall that far plus if the debris falls on top of my car? I'm done. I especially hate having to STOP on bridges. Seriously, I hyperventilate and shit gets real pretty fast.

2. I am also afraid of the ocean. I am afraid because I am invading many a species' territory and they have every right to attack me. I also don't like that I can't see what the fuck is underneath me. If I go in the ocean at all, it's ankle deep. *shudder*

3. I guess this can be considered as my last fear, but I'm afraid of someone very close to me dying, like family or very close friends. I don't know why these dreams have been coming on, but I've dreamt of losing family members recently. The most recent being one about my little brother dying in a car accident. It was terrifying and depressing. I hope it doesn't happen for a long long time.

Day 1: 20 Random Facts

First day of the challenge! 20 random facts is going to take a lot of thought, but here goes nothing!

1. I am engaged to a United States Marine and could not be more proud/excited/happy/ecstatic and all sorts of other synonyms be have such an incredible man in my life.

2. I've discovered that I do talk a lot... but I feel like it's more explaining than just random talking. My talking a lot just elaborated on and spices up a story ;)

3. I swam competitively for 10 years and I was actually quite good.

4. I was on that track and field team at my middle/high school for 6 years. In that time span, I ran the 100m dash, 400m dash, 4x4 relay, 4x1 relay, I threw discus and shot put, and I jumped the long jump, high jump, and triple jump. My favorite thing was jumping; I hate running.

5. I've played softball since I was 5 years old and still play to this day on a women's league team, a summer co-ed team, and a fall co-ed team. One of my fears of moving is that I won't find a team fast enough!

6. I was a cheerleader for 8 years and I even played football for one year. I was captain of my squad my senior year :)

7. I will be moving to San Diego, California. My main reason is to be with my man and I've also fallen in love with the weather and the landscape, but my second biggest reason for moving is the new adventure to embark upon. Life is thrilling.

8. My mom is an inspiration to me even though I don't always realize it consciously, I know she makes an impact on my decisions.

9. I am 20 years old and many people think my getting married is a huge mistake because of how young I am. I've had a lot of people criticize my decision. My response to you is that I am defying the odds and that you should worry about your own relationships.

10. I think I am pretty, but I am definitely not something to drool over. My sarcasm wins people over ;)

11. My favorite number is "55" because, when translated into French, it's "cinquante cinq" and I find it amusing.

12. I abhor smoking. Have I done it? Yes. But I can also count on my two hands how many times I have in my entire life. My grandfather died of prostate cancer after fighting an uphill battle for 13 years and I don't want to watch my loved ones struggle in so much pain like that ever again. My fiance is a smoker. Thankfully, he is trying to quit. I tell him stories about my grandfather to keep him motivated ;)

13. In relation to number 12, I was so happy when they passed the laws that made it so people could no longer smoke inside of restaurants and facilities that allow smoking must have a good ventilation system. I always hated when my family would take me out to eat and I would have to go outside because I would get so sick from the secondhand smoke. I didn't think it was fair that I, a person who is healthy and not trying sucking on the cancer on a stick, had to be the one to go outside to breathe FRESH AIR. How ridiculous.

14. I cannot stand people who have no common sense. I really can't. It might not be their fault. But I still can't deal.

15. I also hate when sales associates are RUDE! I just experienced this yesterday when I went to the Ross Park Mall's Victoria's Secret. I went in to pay a bill, she was very short with me, and when she went to front-print my check, the daft girl printed the wrong side of the check. So instead of apologizing for the delay/inconvenience (like I would have if I had done the same thing), she slaps my check on the counter and says "Fill this out." I was ready to rip her throat out...

16. BTW I work at a Victoria's Secret and I also worked in that specific store's backroom while I was at college this past spring. I also work at a place called the Brighton Hot Dog Shoppe. I've worked there for 4 years and I've worked at Victoria's Secret for 2 years.

17. I can't wait to get my tattoos. I'm not quite sure on the designs yet, but I know it's going to be hip/rip tattoos. :)

18. I also can't wait to get my belly button pierced!

19. I will be marrying my best friend this October right around our 2 year 11 months dating anniversary. <3 Be jealous. This will also be in San Diego :)

20. And, finally, I am the 4th of 5 children. I have two older brothers, an older sister, and a younger brother. We are all very different from one another, but we mesh so well. From my two older brothers' families, I have three nieces and a nephew. My future sister-in-law is also expecting her first child, a little baby girl :) As much as I love my nieces and nephew, I can truly hold off on having little ones of my own for a good long time :)

Tune in next time for more fun stuff!

Stumbled Upon Something Fun [For Me]

So I got these questions from this link, http://cherishinghopesanddreams.blogspot.com/2012/01/30-things.html, whom I will now be following to read on here (so glad she's blogspot!). Check it out, these could be fun!

1. List 20 random facts about yourself.
2. Describe 3 legitimate fears you have and explain how they became fears.
3. Describe your relationship with your parents.
4. List 10 things you would tell your 16 year-old self, if you could.
5. What are the 5 things that make you most happy right now?
6. What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?
7. What is your dream job, and why?
8. What are 5 passions you have?
9. List 10 people who have influenced you and describe how.
10. Describe your most embarrasing moment.
11. Describe 10 pet peeves you have.
12. Describe a typical day in your current life.
13. Describe 5 weaknesses you have.
14. Describe 5 strengths you have.
15. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
16. What are your 5 greatest accomplishments?
17. What is the thing you most wish you were great at?
18. What has been the most difficult thing you have had to forgive?
19. If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?
20. Describe 3 significant memories from your childhood.
21. If you could have one superpower, what would it be and what would you do with it first?
22. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years? 15 years?
23. List your top 5 hobbies and why you love them.
24. Describe your family dynamic of your childhood vs. your family dynamic now.
25. If you could have dinner with anyone in history, who would it be and what would you eat?
26. What popular notion do you think the world has most wrong?
27. What is your favorite part of your body and why?
28. What is your love language?
29. What do you think people misundertand most about you?
30. List 10 things you would hope to be remembered for.

So, ready or not, I'm going to try to do these each day! If not, I will at least do them in order...

Looking Forward to the Future

The next few months are looking brighter and brighter! Plans changed (again), but that's about par for the course. But the plan, and it seems to be staying this way, is to fly out there October 6-14 (my flight is BOOKED!) and get married, look at living spaces, check out the closest Victoria's Secrets, and just spend some quality time with my man. Then, I'll probably fly out there for the ball in early November. Then we'll fly back home together, he'll be taking leave, and then on November 25, I will officially be San Diego bound! We're going to drive across the country together and experience that. I think it's going to be a lot of fun! Anyways, in the meantime, I'll be working my little ass off, trying to pay off some debts I have back here in Pennsylvania. I'll be spending time with friends and family as much as I can, especially with Margaux, my exchange student. She's so sweet! I will also waste my time away packing, trying to figure out when my two weeks need to be in for both jobs... not fun. I also just picked up my pictures from my pin-up shoot done by my cousin. She did a phenomenal job! I'll post a couple of them, they're excellent.
I'm so excited to get out there and see him. Now that the rings are taken care of and we have a trip that we have at hand for the next year, it's going to be a great year in store for us <3 I really cannot wait to begin my life as a Marine Wife. Though the lifestyle didn't suit me, I certainly am taking this lifestyle and making it my bitch ;) Just have to hold on to everything precious and be sure that, even though there are those drastically negative patches, there is no other person you could ever want to be with. I can be myself, my ENTIRE self, around him all the time. Most people don't have the privilege (don't even say I sound cocky, I know my worth). And he has the privilege, luck, whatever you want to call it to know me. As I do him. I am so lucky to call him my fiance, my manfriend, my BEST friend, and my future husband. I know he's going to be the greatest and the best he can be. And I love him so much for it <3

Me and my snuggle buddy, Zac the Bear <3

Surrounded my his tokens of love; letters, notes, my bear, my rings, my necklace, plane tickets and so much more.

My friend and I. We had so much fun! :) THANK YOU, DAWN!!!

It Is Finally September!

There is so much going on this month... well, at least that what it seems like to me! My list might seem short, but there are so many things that are going to be happening so soon!
Firstly, Zac will be stateside sometime within this month! That's HUGE! I will have my man back, in a way! :)
With that being said, that means this deployment is ALMOST OVER, which also means we're so close to surviving our first deployment together. I know this deployment is nothing compared to other people's deployments, but any separation is too long when it comes to the military (am I right, ladies?). I know he wasn't in a combat zone and I know he was relatively safe while he was over there, but there is always something that comes up that I either worry about his well-being for some reason or another or something happens at home and I can't talk to him about it until he's able to talk again. All in all, this experience has forced me to become even more independent than I already was and learn to rely on myself instead of him for the comfort I sought during my loneliest moments and the most difficult decisions. Usually, when people are engaged to be married or married already (or even in a serious relationship), they ask the advice of the other person in a lot of different things. I can't do that. You'd be a fish out of water if you had to make some of the decisions or live with some of the things I've had bottled up for months without your significant other. Just think about it. Consider it food for thought.
I was offered a temp management position late last month at Victoria's Secret. Unfortunately, I had to turn it down because of the dates that I will be moving... I'm really torn up about it, but I know that when I move, I WILL work my way up in the company and everything is going to be fine. I will earn my degree and it will send me places I want to go, whether that be higher in the company I am already with or someplace different entirely, I'm ready to get moving on being something for Zac to be proud of.
Next, my future sister-in-law's baby shower is on September 30th! I can't wait to see her bump! Also in news regarding Ash, her boyfriend has been offered a promotion, and though it hasn't been set in stone yet, they could be moving out to Long Beach, CA, which is a hell of a lot closer to Zac and I than Pennsylvania is! This is a great opportunity for them to grow as a family unit of their own and really set themselves up for success, BUT at the same time, it's going to be hard for Ashley to be away from her parents and aunts and uncles and grandparents and friends, especially with this baby. So if they decide to decline, I think that's good, and if they decide to move, I think that's good, too, for my own selfish reasons of wanting to see and play with the baby as much as possible :) <3
In October, I will be going out to San Diego to FINALLY be with my man and to get married!! We'll look at apartments and I'll go meet with managers at different Victoria's Secret locations and see how many hours they can give to me. I may pick up a second job, but I'll wait a couple months to see how the financial situation works out before I start working my ass off again... while going to school. Oh what fun ;)
Finally, in November, I may be going out to the ball (finances, again, are up in the air) and then Zac plans on taking leave the 13th- December 1. So on the 25th or 25th of November, we'll drive out to Cali together to move all of my and his things across the country into our new home. I am so excited it's not even funny :)
CAN'T WAIT!