So right off the bat, I'm going to point out that I hate conflict. I literally avoid it at all costs and I never say everything that is on my mind in an argument or discussion so as to avoid further conflict and to end the current one more quickly. Now, sometimes, I know it doesn't work and I'm realistic about that. I've had to buckle down and really hit some people hard with what I think about their actions.
Now, with that being said, in my entire life I have never have a confrontation with a friend. EVER. Not once and I never understand how people can consider someone a friend if they fight with them. Discussions and different opinions that are expressed in a non-threatening and neutral way? Yes, absolutely. But I have never had a fight like I would with say, my dad, with a friend.
So moving on, in all of 2012, which has already turned out to be a very stressful year, I've had three people I've had issues with. The first person was my dad and it was about getting married so young and how he disagreed and he said a lot of things I felt he had no grounds to say. So I finally duked it out with him and we ended up not talking for about two weeks and, what do you know, he came around to the idea of my getting married so young and moving to California. The next will not be named, but is what this post is about. I just need to write this all down so I remember exactly what I want to tell Zac. And the third person is Zac himself and that was over something I said to person number two and he overheard a conversation between this person and another about what I said. I don't blame this person and I shouldn't have said it the way I did. Sometimes, sarcastic remarks don't get translated as such. Boy was he MAD at me! And it wasn't like we were getting along before that, either... oi. Anyways.
Now I know that gender will play a role in whether I'm overreacting or if I have grounds in these stories I'm about to tell. Take away from it what you want, I really don't care what you think of it, I just need a place easy to find to sort through everything. You kind of don't matter [sorry]. On to Mystery Person... a pseudo name for this person will make it easier, so let's just go with John. Simple enough.
So, thing number one that John did: had my man help them move. Cool, that's fine, my man is a really great guy and is always looking to help people. He has a really difficult time saying no.
Number two: giving Zac and I very little alone time together and even once complaining about "not getting to hang out with him" the night before when we retreated to the bedroom early to try to have some alone time (a lot of our alone time had to be at night simply because of his working and our lack of privacy if we didn't retreat to the bedroom and shut the door).
Number three: this one is complicated, so pay close attention because it starts out good. Before I even left to go to Cali for my visit, I received a phone call asking if I'd be ok with Zac helping change the oil in their truck that Saturday since Zac had been so busy and tired the week beforehand, knowing that they'd be upset if it was their second day with their significant other and they had to share their time. So I said it was fine, but of course I'd be tagging along, which is why it wouldn't matter, I'd still be spending time with him anyways. The problem arose when it turned into multiple checks and calling him at work. I don't see how you would think, in a gated apartment place, that someone would mess with your truck. I don't understand how that constitutes calling MY man while he's working when I've never ever called him at work.
Number four: the fact that John would call him randomly. How do I know this? Because sometimes I'd be on the line. If my man's not talking to me, it means he's busy. It doesn't mean call him, it means wait until you hear back. Leave him alone.
Number five: doing his laundry... just, no. If anyone other than him is doing his laundry, it damn well better be me or his step-mother.
Number six: making his dinner plate. After I said not to. So here's the story. I cooked dinner a few times while I was out there. Zac and I bought the ingredients, I cooked, and Zac and John cleaned up afterwards. That's a deal I like. So this evening was spaghetti. Zac was playing with the dog and John and I were making our plates. I called to Zac to come make his plate; I felt all homey and domestic and I wanted him to play his role, too. So John asks if I want them to make his plate for him and I said no, Zac's a big boy, he can do it himself. So after I called Zac again and he said he was going to wait until we'd made our plates (a true gentleman, I've found), I put my plate on the table and go back to get a drink when John brings over a plate of food and sets it in Zac's spot and proceeds to tell me that "he's a marine and I have to make his plate and put the food in front of him or he won't come to the table." Uhm... no...
Numbers seven, eight, and nine: Facebook. That's all that needs said about that.
Now all of these things combined really just... set me off. Now, my thing is, you're married to someone in the military. I'm engaged to someone in the military. So we both know how precious these relationships are. They're fragile and strong, romantic and sad, lonely and whole, and most of all one of a kind. That being said, there are no replacements for that person while they're gone or if it ever ends. Meaning that just because yours is deployed right now does not mean that mine is your replacement. Find comfort in another, but not mine.
Also, another lesson to be learned here is that you will always come across different people. Every day, you encounter new people. You can only go so far to consider these peoples' feelings before your own. And you can only go so far, if you run into these people more often, to ignore your intuition. My red flags were up from day one and my intuition is never wrong, no matter how much I try to fight it.
I also know that I can't have a friend that causes problems or that makes me feel uncomfortable or uneasy around my man. I should be the one making people uncomfortable when I'm with my man because we're too gooshy for people to take. Also, when multiple people see what is said and see the circumstances and literally tell me "Hell no, say something," I'm pretty sure it confirms what I already knew.
I also know how to admit when I'm wrong. I know when I'm right. And I know when it's not worth it. When I'm accused of being a bad friend, let's just say that it would take something crazy and out there and totally out of my character for someone to ever say that. But if I'm defending myself against what I feel are verbal attacks and intended to stab at what I do. Either you're very blind to how the things you say are rude, even when someone else that I don't even know points it out to you, or you really know what you're doing. Either way, that's not what a friend is.
This seriously is scratching only the surface of what I'm feeling but it's enough to remember everything I'm feeling. For now, it is time for bed. I've got an early morning ahead of me and a long day. Bonne nuit tout le monde.
