Day 6: It's a Hard Knock Life

Day six has been reserved for the hardest thing I've ever experienced. This has taken a lot of thought, because, for me, It's hard to decipher what is hard and what was an experience. So, since this is MY blog, I think I am going to get into a few difficult things in my life. So here we go.

I think the first hardest thing that I've experienced was when I was in high school. I had broken up with my boyfriend of over a year and, being only a freshman, it was really difficult on me. I mean, he did terrible thigns to me while we were dating, so I don't know why I thought this would end any different. But, anyways, the break up wasn't the hardest part. The hardest part was when two weeks after this guy that I loved and had told me he loved me and wanted to marry me and I had broken up, he was dating another girl and SLEEPING with her. That hurt me so much. The fact that he continued to string me along for a year after that was even worse. He'd still be officially with her but he'd tell me he was fighting with her and that they were going to break up... juuuuust enough information to keep me hanging on. I should've just said "Well, then, to hell with you," but I didn't and this was a point in my life where I was really conflicted. Thankfully, after I got together with Zac (no, I never cheated on anyone, if you were wondering), this horrible person really started to fade from my mind. Now, he is but a memory.

When I was a freshman (dating that terrible person, too), my maternal grandfather died. It was a breaking point. "Teenagedome" was already different enough and with all of the changes going on in my life, his death was just another huge difficulty. I still miss him so much.

Finally, my decision to be with a man who planned on being in the military (who is now two years into his active duty). This is how I describe this life: it's not hard. It's not hard to love him and talk to my best friend as much as we can while he's away. It's not hard to be alone most of the time. It's not hard to make decisions all of the time, mostly on my own. It just sucks that I can't be with him everyday. It sucks to have to live without him. It's not hard, it's just not preferable. Hence why I don't consider it one of the hardest things I've experienced because that's not the word for this life...