The Disgruntled Wives Club: Discussion Questions

So before I get into answering the discussion questions, I'll give a little background on the book and its author. The author is my own high school's athletic trainer, Portia Cosby, and she also is (at least, she was when I was still in high school) a physical therapist at Burke's. This is one of three books, now, I believe, that she has published and I am anxiously awaiting the release of future works. This book is about the lives of three women, all of whom are married and all of whom are best friends. Their lives are complicated. Dana is married to a Class-A Fuck-Up and throughout the novel, she suspects her husband of cheating. Crystal is married to a hip-hop super-star and their "agreement" (as she calls it) is more complicated than a normal marriage. Willow ("Milky") is Crystal's adopted sister who was abandoned by her irresponsible teenage parents and found by her adoptive mother. She's married to a physically and emotionally abusive but very successful man. The three of them, throughout the novel, count on each other for moral support and help. It's a great read and I recommend all of Portia's books.
Without further ado, the discussion questions and my thoughts ***spoiler alert***:
1. Do you think each woman made the right decision?

• Absolutely. I don't think it was right, per say, of Milky to "get back" at Vaughn. It was vindictive and cruel, but I don't see how she would have been able to move on if she hadn't been able to show him who's boss. It could, however, pose a problem for her once he is released from jail. She'd better get some private security, an alarm system, and shooting lessons and a carry permit before he gets out of jail. As for Dana, she'd better stay away from Ric. He's cheated with multiple women, lied to her, and treated her like shit for years and years. Empty and broken promises are all he is good for and she'd better fight that custody battle with all her might because someday, he's going to fuck up with those kids, too. I love her line "You have to love the person, not their potential." Finally, Crystal. Her husband gave her herpes and broke with few guidelines she gave to him when they originally got married. I don't know how I feel about her staying with him, but I'm certain she has a good enough head on her shoulders to know not to jump right back in. She knows it won't be the same between them, even if they do work things out, and she's still going to have this potentially life-threatening disease for the remainder of her years. She's got a lot to get over before she can ever have room in her life for Dante again.

2. What are your feelings about Vaughn and how his childhood experiences affected his temper?

• His history is no excuse for his behavior and he's had at least three people enabling him for a long time. His mother giving in to his tantrums, his adoptive father for reasons that weren't described, and his wife for allowing him to strike her all those years and chop it up to "Oh, he's having a bad day." He can't fully take responsibility as an adult (or any at all) because he never has had to because of the tragedy that is his childhood. He should've had help when he was young to try to correct his issues instead of allowing him to over-compensate his "manhood" in every aspect of his life. He blamed his wife when he couldn't get it up. He took it out on his wife when he had a bad day at the office or when something went wrong. He had people following his wife even though he had no reason to even imagine she would be screwing around on him. I think Vaughn, and every person like him, needs weeded out and psychoanalyzed so they can't hurt the weak and loving ones that they draw in. Abusers know how to seek out abusees.

3. What are your feelings about Crystal's rules for Dante concerning what constituted as cheating at the beginning of the book?

• I've never been in a high-profile relationship, so I'm not going to even try to relate. If that's what she thought was best, then that's fine and dandy. As long as he follows the rules that they both agreed to when they said "I Do", then no harm, no foul. But from my point of view, a spouse should never have that kind of leeway in a relationship if you have any self-respect or standards. She easily could've found a man that would have been willing and able to settle down with her entirely and treated her like the real woman she is. I feel like a man with as high a profile as Dante is bound to break the rules. Even rules that are so lenient in the first place. So, in the end, no matter what she tried to settle in the beginning, the relationship was doomed simply because he was a super-star with a super-ego and seriously could not stop himself from breaking all of the rules.

4. In marriage, do you believe there is no excuse for divorce?

• I believe in divorce. But not all "I'm pissed at you right this second, I want a divorce." That means you weren't mature enough to be married in the first place and you really need to reevaluate yourself and your life choices. That being said, if there is abuse in the mix, get the fuck out before you end up paralyzed, in a coma, or dead. There is no excuse for abuse and that is one reason to get out of a marriage. I also believe that cheating/compulsive lying is a legitimate excuse to end a marriage. That is another big vow to be broken. If your spouse is cheating on you, you have no way of knowing what they're bringing home with them, whether it be diseases or what have you, and your bond is no longer sacred. Fool me once, shame on your. Fool me twice, shame on me.

5. Dana crossed the line with Lorenzo. Do you feel she was justified?

• Since I developed a soft spot for the three main characters in this book, I feel like I'm one of her girls, so, yes, I do. It only happened once. Yes, it was wrong and crossing so many boundaries, but, at the same time, her man is out there getting it in with as many women as he wants. On camera. Without condoms. He's a disgusting pig. She was desperate.

6. Do you think any of the women brought their problems on themselves?

• Crystal, I think. She shouldn't have gone through with a marriage she couldn't have a legitimate partnership with. It would've saved her a lot of heartache (and an STD) if she either hadn't gone through with it or she had been clear that either he stays faithful or he loses her. Plain and simple. The other two had no idea what they were getting into when they got into it.

7. In your opinion, was Ric truly remorseful?

• N.O.

8. Why do men cheat?

• Oh that's tough. Lots of reasons, I'd presume. He's having problems with his wife, he's drunk, the girl came on to him, he wants to see if he's "still got it", he's horny... I think men cheat for more physical reasons.

9. Why do women cheat?

• Women cheat for emotional reasons. They want intimacy and passion and a new lover is doing all of that because that's just what they are: a lover. Only there to please, but not for the long-haul. Sure, they listen to your gripes now. Then they give you some kind of mind-blowing sex with your orgasm in mind and send you right back home to your problems. Women crave intimacy and love.

10. Should adultery be a deal-breaker?

• I try to say yes, but I've been there (not in marriage, but relationships) and lemme tell ya, it's easier said than done. I know, though, if it were to happen twice in one relationship, it'd be over. I respect my standards and myself way more than that. I do believe in second chances and that, if you love someone, they deserve a second chance. But if they fuck around again? That just means they think you're soft, think you won't find out again, or they really genuinely only see you as a solid rock in their life. Something to come home to rather than something to look forward to coming home to. Do yourself a favor and get out.

11. Dana was upset with her father for not speaking up about his feelings toward Ric before their marriage. Was she justified? Do you believe in the statement Speak now or forever hold your peace?

• I think she was justified in being upset, but if she holds that over him, she's wrong. It's not totally his responsibility to take care of a grown woman. As for the statement, I don't. I think it's never too late to tell someone that you think they made a mistake. It takes a lot of courage to say that to someone you love and care about and sometimes it takes a really long time to get the nerve to say it.

12. Is there such a thing as a happy marriage? Define happiness.

• Yes, I believe so. I've seen them. And I'm thinking that mine will be the same. Happiness, to me, is the butterflies you get when you see your spouse or hear their voice or feel their touch and it never gets old to you, being with the same person day after day. They can always bring a smile to your face, even without saying a word, and even though you have such great memories, you don't dwell on them; in fact, you look forward most to the future.

13. What do you see in Dante and Crystal's future?

• Lots of condoms. Just kidding. On a serious note, I think they're eventually going to be happy together again. It's going to take a lot of work on his part, but at the end of the book, he already put in a lot of effort and he seemed to genuinely love and miss Crystal's being around. I think he can win her over again, no matter how cold she thinks her heart is.

14. There are lots of couples who are unhappily married. Ideas on why they stay together?

• Well, if there are kids, that seems to factor into it a lot. Financial stability. Morality. Catholicism. Good sex. Image control. Memories. Potential. Promises of change.

15. If you could add anything to the traditional wedding vows, what would it be?

• That is a really good question. I don't know, I've never considered it because Zac and I want to write our own vows.